Stress can be a constant in most people’s lives. However, its presence has increased dramatically for LGBTQ individuals in the last year. Queer and transgender people face very real prospects of violence, harassment and discrimination. Today’s social climate remains uncertain, and as a same-sex couple you may be experiencing higher-than-normal stress levels. However, it’s important to incorporate a few practices into your daily lives to support your partner and effectively handle stress.

Focus Your Most Important Priorities  

When more stress enters your lives, it may be time to de-clutter in terms of your schedules and responsibilities. Psychology Today columnist Dr. Barbara Markway recommends constructing a “survival” strategy by deciding your most important priorities both individually and as a couple. In some cases, you may need to reduce your commitment loads and focus on self-care, which includes ensuring that you eat healthily and get enough sleep.

In times of extremely high stress, it may be helpful to borrow from Christine Miserandino’s concept of “spoon theory.” On her website But You Don’t Look Sick, the writer and disability activist describes how chronic illness can force disabled people to treat the amount of energy they have as a limited supply. She likened it to having a finite collection of spoons at the beginning of each day, with each activity requiring giving away spoons to complete it. Once the collection is depleted, the person is too tired to complete other tasks. Just as one must ration and plan around limited energy stores in these cases, you and your partner may need to conserve your reserves of time and energy so that you don’t suffer from frazzled nerves and exhaustion.

Offer Mutual Support and Compassion

Even the smallest acts of affection and compassion can mean a great deal in times of difficulty. This is especially vital when life becomes overwhelming, or when responsibilities seem to pull you two in different directions. Among your priorities, be sure to include spending time together, whether that means you go out for “date night” or you stay in sharing a bowl of popcorn and binge-watching your favorite shows. Additionally, it’s important to work out ways in which you can help each other cope. This could take logistical forms, such as temporarily taking over a household chore from your mate, or emotional support, like carving out undistracted time each day to talk with each other. 

Connect With Your Communities

As a same-sex couple, it’s especially important to have other supportive people in your lives. Not only can they provide the affirmation you need, but they may also be friends you can turn to when you require help. If nothing else, joining online communities or in-person support groups can benefit you by providing a network of like-minded individuals. In turn, you may be able to help others in these environments and derive satisfaction from acts of giving. If you or your partner are marginalized in other ways—for example, being a person of color, an immigrant, disabled or transgender—it’s especially critical to find communities that value and support intersectionality. American civil rights advocate and scholar Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw created the term and concept to describe how discrimination can happen on multiple levels for people who have membership in more than one oppressed group—for instance, Hispanic LGBTQ people.

You Deserve Happiness Together

Times may be tougher than usual, but your physical and mental health is paramount. Lesbian writer and activist Audre Lorde once described self-care as “an act of political warfare.” On a more personal level, you and your partner deserve a happy life and can obtain it if you effectively handle stress. The steps you take now to set priorities and provide support to each other will be vital in the years to come.